How to Act like a Ninja

I’m going to skip the intro here and delve right into the fascinating world of ninjas. Forget everything you thought you knew about ninjas. The Fortnite god, the mutant turtles, the lego masters, erase all of it.

We’re going to start with some brief history:

I am going to submerge you into the intriguing world of real legends. To make this blog even slightly credible, I should give fair warning that much of the history and legends of ninjas is simply that, legends. Word of mouth. Historical legend says that Shi-Huangdi, the first Chinese emperor, dispatched a man named Xu Fu who brought with him the origins of ninjutsu. From there, ninjas became prevalent throughout history. A ninja is a definably a person who uses Ninjutsu. If your mind is wandering back to the lego people, snap out of it. This is Ninjutsu, NOT NINJAGO. Ninjutsu is the traditional Japenese practice of stealth and camouflage; it is the art of hiding in plain sight. In an applicable sense, ninjas were a species of 15th century Ethan Hunts.

That incredibly short and uninformative paragraph is all I am going to provide on the history of ninjas because I got bored of typing it out. There is plenty more information on that, but as I have mentioned before, you have the entire Internet at your dispense. Go look it up.

Now, we’re going to get into the part of this blog post that I have actually been looking forward to. I am going to teach you how to become a ninja. Even if you think you have already learned everything you need to know from the sensei master on Poptropica, Ninjutsu is far more complicated than meets the eye. It is not all about tiptoeing and wearing a mask. Though, admittedly, that is a pretty big bit of it.

How to Walk Like a Ninja

First, if you want to become a ninja, you must refine the way you walk. These steps should be a ‘pretty in-depth’ guide.

STEP 1: You need to be as silent as possible while you are walking. A common beginner’s mistake is to hold your breath while you’re walking. Heads up, breathing is kind of important. If you hold your breath, you will end up loudly exhaling, as you are directly violating one of your body’s basic principles. Don’t hold your breath, just breath normally. But, don’t pant either, just be cool about it. Being a ninja is all about being cool.

STEP 2: Make sure to look at the ground occasionally in order to familiarize yourself with your environment and to avoid tripping over anything in your path. Don’t glue your eyes to the ground, then you won’t be seeing what’s in front of you. You can see how that could lead to complications.

STEP 3: You know how in all the spy/ninja movies, the spy/ninja hunches down a bit and bends their knees? Apparently, they aren’t just doing that for the theatric effect. In order to reduce noise from your clothes and your movements, you should stand with your legs shoulder width apart and your knees slightly bent. Keep your arms at waist level and try not to excessively move your waist, just move your legs.

STEP 4: Once you’ve got the cool physique down and your mindset is primed, it’s time to start actually moving. Like a ninja. Start by balancing all your weight onto your right foot and begin to move your left foot forwards – actually, I don’t know how crucial this is nor that you will be doomed if you start with your right foot first, but just do as the instructions tell you. You know, play it safe. Touch your toes and ball of your foot down LIGHTLY. Put your left heel down, and then shift all your weight onto your left foot slowly by bending your left knee and leaning forwards. Again, I don’t know how critical the specific right/left foot instructions are – I’m sure it’s just for visual purposes. If you really want to be defiant, do the same steps with the opposite feet.

STEP 5: Repeat step 4 but try to condense it a bit because speed might come in handy in the moment.

You’re now walking like a ninja.

Ninja Tips 

Now that you’ve mastered the footwork of a ninja sensei, I will give you a few more tips before officially handing over the baton that I never had.

* Disclaimer: All these tips are from WikiHow. Interpret them as you will. 

TIP #1: Silence is golden: Try to minimize the noise you create through your choice of attire as well as dominating your bodily noises.

TIP #2: Know your surroundings: Always have an escape plan in mind, know who and where everyone is in the room. Become the master of your senses.

TIP #3: Become a talisman of charm: When possible, sway your enemies through words instead of violence. Woo them, Cassonova.

TIP #4: Feed your mind: Always try to learn new things whenever you can. Not to boast about myself too much, but my blog is an encyclopedia of useless information. Take the tour, find your mind something pretty.

TIP #5: Learn how to fight: I can’t really help much with this one.

Congratulations, you’ve completed my extraordinarily faulty guide on how to be a ninja. Hopefully, this will aid you in all your ninja haps.

Let me know if it works.